I write this with tears still damp on my face. It happens every time I hear a song we probably all know and love (or you’re totally sick of it, sorry): “Let It Go” from Frozen. I know. I know. It’s just a kid’s movie. But that song! It just tears me up every single time.
“Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal. Don’t feel. Don’t let them know…” Living a life of extreme doubt of a faith that called for absolute faith was quite a challenge for me. I felt like a failure for such a long time. What’s worse, I felt disloyal to the God that I lived every day for. It was this constant battle between my doubts and disagreement and my strong desire to please Him and to try to be completely obedient to his commandments. By the way, it was also exhausting. Emotionally and physically.
“Let it go, let it go, And I’ll rise like the break of dawn. Let it go, let it go. That perfect girl is gone! Here I stand, In the light of day. Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway!” Of course the cold bothered me. At first anyway. Maybe sometimes still. But I have had to let it go. I’ve had to let a lot of things go. “The fears that once controlled me, Can’t get to me at all!” The storm will still rage on, but I have made my decisions. I have left behind a faith that failed me – a faith that maybe wasn’t ever really mine. I am now standing in the light of day saying, “Here I stand, And here I’ll stay. Let the storm rage on!”
“It’s time to see what I can do. To test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free!” I’m finally free.
You’re welcome 🙂
By the way, this seems like an opportune time to say thank you to those who have stuck by me through my recent and huge life changing decisions. I know most of you don’t understand or don’t agree, but you are still there for me. Thanks. Seriously. Some people are definitely worth melting for…