Harry Potter and the Evangelical Clones Part 2

Proudhousewife has continued her Christian version of Harry Potter and I am thrilled-ish. You can find what I have already written about this story here. We last left off as we were just finding out about Voldemort in Chapter 8. Chapter 9 starts off with a note from the author.

“Hello, friends! I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out; but-I have good news! Starting tonight, I will be taking a beginning writer’s course at the local community college! Through all the hate from Evolutionists, Feminists, and Romanists, there has been some legitimate criticism of my writing skills. My mother did her best; and she certainly did teach me a lot; but grammar was not her area of expertise. It’s taken some convincing-the hubby wasn’t sure I’d have time to get everything done if I start taking this class-but I’ve written up a schedule; and I think we can make it work =)”

I’ll just take a moment to vent because her husband had to make sure she got everything done {ie cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children by herself – the typical old-fashioned mantra} before starting her writing class. I honestly do hope she takes a class and continues to learn to write. I appreciate what she is trying to do even while I completely disagree with her reasons. You really should read all of her author’s notes before you read each chapter. They show you exactly the kind of Christian/person she is. Then you will know why she feels the need to write this version. And they’ll probably make you a bit irate.

Back to the story.

Her first paragraph describes a typical day at Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. All of the students have a daily prayer session led by the Reverend {He’s the only knew character introduced, but she shares nothing about him yet}. The Slytherins {Catholics} have their own “prayer” time away from the other students while the Hufflepuffs {liberals}, Ravenclaws {Pharisees?}, and Griffindors {true Christians} all meet together. In typical fashion, the Hufflepuffs don’t like that the Reverend only uses the Bible during these sessions, and the Ravenclaws dislike the fact that the Reverend is only promoting hating the sin, not the sinner.

Aside from the prayer sessions, they also have math and English, as well as Bible studies and Christian History, American History, Constitutional Law, and Missionary Training. There is also a little dig at public schools that just makes me laugh. I have heard that most of my life.

The mail comes, although not by owl but angel… Harry receives a letter from Hagrid to come for tea, and he takes along his new friends. When we get to Hagrid’s house we find out he is a hunter who bakes cookies, and loves tea. She clearly places hunting in the same capacity as piety. Not my words. Hers.

At Hagrid’s, they find out Voldemort or He Who Must Not Be Saved {that’s my title, but I feel like that was a huge missed opportunity} has been spotted at Hogwarts! We find out that not only is he trying to get a law passed to keep Christians from practicing their faith, but he also wants to make homeschooling, the Ten Commandments, and saying “Merry Christmas” illegal. Also, the Pledge of Allegiance is mentioned because of course it is. This will surely lead to the deaths of all Christians. This fear-mongering is classic. It keeps the blindly following Christians in line. If they let things slide just a little, the end result will obviously be death. This is how many oldfangled pastors get their congregation to follow them without question. Then they can preach their standards however they want, and their congregation will tow the line. Again, this is everything you could hear at any number of primitive, outdated churches every single Sunday. Proudhousewife definitely knows her audience. I am sure there are plenty of people who are eating this up.

I would like to note that if this was just a person rewriting the Harry Potter books to make them Christian, I think I would be fine with it. I might roll my eyes a little bit, but I could accept that. But she is including these misogynistic, my-religion-is-better-than-everybody-else’s beliefs that I just can’t get past. These beliefs are truly harmful. I know plenty of Christians who would be as horrified with this version as I am. This hurts them and their beliefs as much as anyone.

At this point proudhousewife uses Draco to mention feminists and women-haters. She says they are both equally bad. God created men and women equal, but that doesn’t mean “same.” She says keeping women from their true calling to be mothers and wives is the real women-hating. You already know how I feel about this. I just want to puke. Now listen to me: I AM NOT against any woman being a mother, a wife, or even a stay at home mom. That is not the point I am trying to make. I am just saying that telling a women that she can only be these things is what makes my blood boil. A woman can be all of these things and so much more. She can be just these things. She can be none of them. It’s our decision. We live our lives. No one else need say a word about it.

Enter Snape. This time we hear about Snape’s long muscular legs as well as that manly chest hair again. I’m pretty sure miss proudhousewife has a thing for Snape. I get it. We all get it. Snape is awesome. Ob-viously.

Harry tells Snape about what Draco said about women and gets Draco in trouble. Then Draco threatens Harry and calls for a Pray-off. Excuse me for a minute: Bahahahahaha. Ah. Okay, I’m fine now.

As the children head out that night to meet Draco for the Pray-off, we find that Ronald is concerned about breaking the rules to which the author states that {Catholics} don’t ever question authority because they just follow what their {priest} tells them to do. The irony is so very strong with this one…

Our time ends with the Pray-off. Read it. Go read it. Please. It’s hilarious.

I hope that people who are reading this do not think I am trying to put down all Christians. I am not. This archaic thinking though is just embarrassing. This line of moldy rumination keeps being passed down from one pastor to the next. It’s the type of church I was raised in. I know all about it first hand. It told me to be quiet in church. It told me to be silent in front of men. It told me that I was inferior because I was neither a wife or a mother. It makes me sick to think of more children being taught this type of oppression.



4 thoughts on “Harry Potter and the Evangelical Clones Part 2

  1. Pingback: Harry Potter and the Evangelical Clones | losing my {reli}ginity

  2. That author’s note you quoted at the beginning made me sad. If she wants to write, why can’t her husband actually help with some of the housework? I’m also disappointed that this stuff is still going on in 2014.

    And the comment you made about making women feel like they have to be wives and mothers is spot on. At the church I grew up in, even men weren’t considered to be adults really until they were husbands AND fathers. Otherwise, everyone just acted embarrassed and kept asking when you were settling down and popping out half-DNA copies of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hadn’t thought guys went through that as well. That didn’t seem to be the case in my circumstances. It makes sense though. It’s hard to be a leader if there is no one to lead.


  3. Pingback: Harry Potter and the Evangelical Clones Part 3 | losing my {reli}ginity

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