This may just be my last post, but I’m not sure. I have lost direction. I never intended for this blog to be a Christian shaming blog. It was just too easy not to make it so. I never intended to sound so bitter.

I find people don’t understand me often. They don’t get why I feel the way I feel.

I’m a Vegetarian {who is ashamed she’s not yet Vegan}.

I’m a hardcore Christian turned Atheist.

I’m an obsessed, overly attached mother.

I fight for the LGBT crowd even though I am none of those. They call me Straight but not Narrow.

I cry over animal cruelty. Just buckets.

I cry over people yelling at their children {even though I yell sometimes too}.

I cry. I cry. I cry.

I have so many thoughts. I want to fix so many problems. But I can’t.

The truth is, all of these things stem from one huge problem: COMPASSION. Problem? Oh, yes. It is very hard to live in this world with so much empathy and compassion flowing through these veins. I see it all. The hurt. The pain. The indifference. The hate.

This is probably the true reason I have left God, the Bible, and his followers behind. Somewhere along the way, I couldn’t see the compassion anymore. Oh, there was compassion for lost souls, but not for homosexuals. There was compassion for orphans, but not the child who continually made mistakes and annoyed everyone in the office. I taught in Christian schools for seven years. There is nothing more eye opening than working for Christian schools who really work for CHURCHES. You get to see how Christian leaders really behave. How they really feel about each other. How they really feel about the “Lord’s work.”

I could sit in a meeting where someone would cry and beg everyone to pray for the little girl whose parents are getting a divorce and she’s not handling it well, and then hear someone else who is going to give detention to this girl if she doesn’t stop acting out in class {nevermind that her parents are already divorced and she only sees her dad twice a year…}.

Once in a teacher’s meeting, I heard a student criticized because she wore too much pale make up from a woman who was wearing the same exact tonnage of foundation on her face. It was caked on so much it was disgusting, but she was an adult so she must have the right motive. The teen {who had terrible acne} was obviously trying to be a Goth and should be stopped. Except she didn’t wear dark lipstick or any of the other signs associated with Goths.

I had a favorite pastor/principal tell everyone to make sure that students were being respectful to teachers and each other, but would call me “Helga” anytime I wore boots or braids because I was overweight. Not a big deal, but it was embarrassing. Or he would call a student “Snaggletooth” because he had bad teeth. Everyone would laugh. Oh, isn’t pastor so funny!? Never mind that I could tell the child sometimes wished everyone would stop calling him that…

I also had to deal with the church staff complaining about how hard they worked when they would arrive hours after I did and leave hours before I did. They would leave to get manicures in their nice cars and go swimming or biking in the middle of the day while I was working a second job and still over drawing my bank account at least once every several months. Teaching can be a rough gig. Poor me. Not really. I loved it.

I have thousands of these stories. When you work with people, you will. I get that. I understand that these situations aren’t even that bad. Most of the people mentioned are even pretty great people. But it’s very discouraging when negativity and even unkindness comes from Christian leaders. I have met some of the most hateful people ever who also just happen to wear the Christian Leader Badge with honor and pride. Ugh!

But where is the COMPASSION? It seems all gone. I’m not saying Christians aren’t ever compassionate. Not at all. I’m just trying to explain that I was worn down over the years. I knew a Christian leader who would laugh at Hugh Heffner and call him a pimp, but be horrified at the mere mention of homosexuality {Sanctity of marriage and whatnot}. Uhh…do you want me to explain how ridiculous that is!? “Haha. This guy exploits woman and clearly has sex with most if not all of them so we think it’s funny, but we are horrified that someone loves someone of the same sex!” No compassion. No understanding.

Forget the people. People are flawed. They make mistakes. I can’t blame it all on them anyway.

Let’s talk about the Bible for a minute. Let’s have a really old couple {who has no children but wants them and has been promised by God to have them} take another woman and have a baby through her. Then low and behold, they actually have their own baby. Then let’s cast out the other woman and her child because they realize they should have never done that and her child will be a threat to their child.

Or let’s find a super Godly man and test him. Let’s take all of his wealth, his health, and his children. Let’s be super excited because super Godly man handled it all super well and give him all of that stuff back. Well not exactly. First set of kids are dead. A new set comes in. Then let’s be surprised when super Godly man’s wife is not impressed. Let’s be surprised that she mourns her babies and is not over it. Let’s use her as an example of an unsupportive wife. Yeah, let’s do that.

Or let’s talk about a book in the Bible that mentions stoning children if they disobey. No, let’s pretend that’s not in there. Let’s focus on the same book though where it mentions a man not being with another man. Let’s put that on our banners and be proud because we are just following the Bible. Let’s do that. Let’s do our best to try to keep said people from happiness because “IT’S IN THE BIBLE!” and it makes us uncomfortable.

Oops. My bitter is showing again. More proof that I may just need to stop writing about this stuff. I don’t want to be bitter.

Listening to all the negative over and over again I came up with one simple thought which I have never gotten over:


I know that’s quite a statement. But I truly believe it. Wait. You don’t believe me? Then let’s go back to the beginning. Let’s create a world. Let’s fill it with amazing things like waterfalls and whales, mountains and…man. Let’s flash forward a bit and decide to send our own self as our son to die for man. Let’s also make them have free will. Let’s want them to choose us though. Let’s make it so there’s a Heaven. Oh, and a Hell. And if they don’t chose me, they go to Hell. So their options are choose me or go to Hell. Let’s keep insisting that’s free will. Choose or be punished.

Ah, COMPASSION. I can see it clearly now. No, wait. I can’t. I really, really can’t! But I get it. Sort of. It was never about COMPASSION. It was about WORSHIP. I guess I’m just tired of that. I think compassion would have been a much better route. Imagine a world full of compassion. Wow.

“But we need evil because we need free will.” Whatever helps you sleep at night. While there are children out there starving right now, let’s be sure to worship and thank God for his many blessings. Even when we have lost our jobs, or our health, or our babies. Why? Because, wait for it… GOD. HAS. A. PLAN. {Oh bitterness, my faithful friend!}

I get that there is a huge amount of comfort in that statement.

But who uses children’s suffering as a part of a bigger plan?

Clearly I should stop writing about this, because I lack the finesse to say this better.

I was on and off the fence for a long time about my own Christianity. I tried so hard to be good. I wanted so badly to please God and make him proud. I mean I didn’t end up a thirty year old virgin because I just wasn’t interested in sex…

I wanted to be the best Christian I could be. I wanted to be the best teacher I could be. {Those two things seem to be very tied together for me which may be why I can’t bring myself to get back into it. I keep trying, but it’s not working anymore. Maybe one day I can figure out how to separate the two.}

But I wasn’t. I made mistakes. Loads. I had bad days. Bad weeks! I said things I shouldn’t. I did things I shouldn’t.

And I was lonely. Terribly lonely. But that’s another story.

There are too many pressures in this world. Those we put on ourselves. Those we put on our children. Those the Bible puts on us. Those Christians put on each other. Those Christians put on non Christians. I’m not trying to say it’s all bad. Finding comfort in this harsh world is quite a thing. If your religion or beliefs make you feel better, by all means feel better. But if it just makes you feel worse. And worse. And worse. Maybe it’s time for a re-evaluation.

I didn’t mean to preach. I would just like each and every one of you to reach inside of you and find your compassion. Sprinkle that stuff on everyone. Use it on the homeless guy you are sure just wants money for more beer. Use it on your child when they have stepped on your very last nerve {Easier said than done}. Use it on an Atheist like me when you just can’t understand.

You might be sitting there thinking “This girl needs to grow up” or “Grow a thicker skin” or “Just get over it.” I can see why you might say that. You might even be right. But I don’t want to get over it. I don’t want to watch as people are unkind to each other. I want compassion. I want to receive it. I want to give it. Empathy is my gift. And my curse. It is who I am.

Just try understanding. Try compassion. There is no way you will regret it.





14 thoughts on “Where Is Your COMPASSION?

  1. I love this post. I cannot speak for others, but I will hope that you will continue to write. Bitterness happens. Sharing what you have seen helps draw out the poison.

    It also helps remind those that would hide behind their religious compassion that there are people who see what they do and why they do it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like to focus on positive things, and I think this blog has been negative. That was not my intent. I was hoping to find like-minded individuals and perhaps open the minds of some of my Christian friends. I do want to write, but I’m not sure that it is best for me. Maybe it is what will help me get past the hurt and bitterness. Thanks for your support.

      Liked by 1 person

      • There are times when I feel like my blog focuses on negative things, especially when I see negative things happening with the faith I used to have. Some atheists just ridicule and demean, and that closes Christian minds to considering the impact of what they do. Other atheists apologize and fawn over Christians to the point where they don’t point out the negativity of Christianity.

        Why I like your blog, and why I think posts like this are invaluable, is because it calls out Christians in a straightforward manner. There isn’t enough of that. While at times you may feel you’re being negative, others will see your earnest writing and know that you have a noble purpose in what you write. Therefore, you may be describing an ugly thing, but what you are doing is using it to accomplish an uplifting thing.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart hurts for you, my friend. I am sad that you had such disheartening experiences with Christians. I am sad that God’s compassion is lost to you and that you have rejected him. I won’t try to get into a theological discussion here and now: not the time or place for that. Because before I were to ever try to change your mind, now is the time to say I respect your empathy and compassion so much, and agree that it’s one thing our world – people – need more of. Know that I heed the call to try be a more compassionate person and the kind of Christian who draws people to God, not away. And know that I am praying for you. I’m glad we have reconnected somewhat through FB.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope it didn’t look like I waslooking for pity. I’m not. I know it’s not easy to have a Christian leave the fold, but I thank you for responding positively. Compassion I believe is so important. Thanks for your response.


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